I want to share some vulnerability about my own struggles (even if it’s hard) and how I deal with them.
*Trigger warning*
I have struggled with depression, anxiety, self-harm, and suicidal feelings. A lot of scary words, I know…
I grew up feeling mostly confused about why I felt what I was and why my emotions and life felt so out of control.
For years I struggled with abusive relationships, loneliness, low self-esteem, and confusion.
I felt worthless a lot of times because I didn’t understand how people I loved could hurt me so much, and it must mean I’m bad.
One failed relationship led to the next.
I often threw myself into work or school because being successful felt like the only way I could be valuable, and I craved love.
I remember crying for hours on end after being screamed at & insulted, being left at a train station, or being cheated on again and again.
I remember my ex forcing me to call him constantly while I was on vacation with my family and threatening to leave me if I didn’t text him nonstop.
I remember crying that whole trip and receiving no support, just judgment about why I wasn’t being fun.
There have been times when I’ve cried for so long & become so exhausted that I scratched my arms or cut my legs because the level of pain felt SO intolerable and unstoppable, and it was the only thing that dulled the excruciating feelings. It felt like torture I couldn’t end.
I remember so often in these dark times, my partners told me that I was annoying and just doing it for attention.
That’s not why I did it - but they were half right. I did want attention. I wanted support and love to ease the suffering so badly.
I remember calling the help hotline many times because I didn’t want to inconvenience anyone who would actually listen and care in my life, and the few who I felt comfortable enough to inconvenience didn’t want to listen or care.
There were times that felt intolerable, and my healing process is honestly still ongoing.
Sometimes every day is a fight, even for people who seem to be doing well. This is why we should try our best to be kind to others - because, in the end, we all just need love and kindness.
I started therapy yearsssss ago and have been going ever since.
If it wasn’t for that, to be honest, I don’t know if I’d be where I am today, which is someone who is still growing, healing, surviving, and slowly improving.
Therapy is not like in the movies - it’s like going to a physician for your broken bones.
It’s vital if you’re hurting and can totally change your life in unimaginable ways.
So I'm not going to recommend you “go for a run” or something if you’re hurting.
I’m here to tell you it’s ok to seek help. It could save your life. You’re worth it.
Call the suicide hotline if you need to. You’re not inconveniencing them.
Talk to your friend who wants to listen. They care.
You’re worth seeking the help you need to get to a better place.
Fuck being “manly” or “tough” or anything holding you back from living your best life and seeking help.
You deserve love. You deserve respect. You deserve help. And whoever you are, no matter how much you’re struggling - we are connected & you’re not alone.
*This article was adapted from a Twitter thread by Stacys.eth*
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